#4 Running out of Propane

Here's a scenario I know you can relate to:  It's a beautiful sunny day and you're finally home after a ridiculously long day at work.  The only thing that got you through the day was the anticipation of cracking open a cold one and throwing a slab of meat on the 'cue (que?  Q?  pick one).  In one fluid motion you swing open the refrigerator, grab a beer and head out to the patio.  You open up the lid of your barbecue, turn on the propane, and, bypassing the long-dead ignitor button, you throw in some lit matches, dodging the ensuing mushroom cloud.  You close the lid, head back in for another beer, and wait a couple of minutes for the heat to incinerate the accumulated biohazardous waste.  Like our woolly mammoth-hunting ancestors, you triumphantly toss your force-fed, hormone-injected, antibiotic-laced meat on the grill, close the lid, and let the magic of fire do its work.

After a few minutes, you return to check on your kill but as you approach you know something is wrong.  That delicious sizzling is absent, as is the smell of charring muscle tissue.  Hmm, the temperature gauge has also dropped.  You already know what has happened, but lifting the lid confirms your worst nightmare: the fire is out.  And trying to relight it is useless, since you ran out of propane.

Now what the hell are you supposed to do?  Fry it?  Out of the question.  Steaks are grilled, not fried.  Period.  Get more propane?  This is known as grillus interuptus, and nothing ruins the moment more.  Eat it?  There's a fine line between rare and salmonella, and partially cooking one side only makes the bacteria angrier.  Ask your neighbour if you can finish grilling your steak on his or her barbecue?  Not a bad idea, but requires considerable balls, a sympathetic neighbour, and additional steaks and/or beer which you must offer to said neighbour.  Sadly, the only viable alternative is to concede defeat, and order a pizza.

This begs the question, why haven't propane tank manufacturers installed a mandatory fuel gauge on all tanks yet?  Is it that hard to do?  Or has no one in the industry thought of it?  Tell you what propane people, go ahead with my idea and run with it.  I only demand a 5% royalty fee in perpetuity for my intellectual property.  Maybe they don't exist because nobody would use it.  Think about it, there's something very elemental about cooking with fire in the outdoors.  It links us with our Cro-magnon ancestors.  They no doubt had periodic issues with their fire pits and this common annoyance connects us through the eons.  So while your steak withers away on your cooling barbecue, just remember that your distant ape-like grandparents sometimes struggled with lighting wet wood too.  And they were equally ticked off.

At least these lucky bastards got a fire going.