#5 Clothes Shopping

God I hate shopping for clothes.  It is the bane of my existence.  I absolutely avoid it at all costs.  Most of the time I bribe my wife into doing my shopping for me, which she gladly abides since I have no idea what looks good on me anyways. 

I hate not finding stuff that fits.  I'm 6'3" and 210 lbs, which is not exactly freakishly big but definitely on the right side of the bell curve.  Finding pants that fit is pretty much impossible in my neck of the woods.  Your typical 34L x 34W pants fit perfectly in the store, but after a wash or two I'm waiting for high tide.  Buy 36L pants you say.  Easier said than done I say.  Again, this is probably a function of supply and demand in my geographic area, but pants for tall people are a rare commodity here.  The same goes for shirts.  My perfect fitting shirt is Large Tall (which makes sense since I am both large and tall).  I am not extra large.  Extra large will work for a few washes, but then the shirt mysteriously, almost magically actually, gets shorter and wider.  I'm convinced that t-shirts are designed to shrink this way so that consumers will constantly have to buy new shirts.  Bastards.

I hate the fact that adult clothing stores are geared towards two demographics: young people and older working stiffs.  I'm 36, so I'm definitely not young but I don't have one foot in the grave either.  So here's the dilemma: do I wear baggy pants around my ankles or do I wear navy tapered slacks?  Because it seems like there are no other options available to guys who fall somewhere in between.

I hate wearing clothes with logos on them.  If Nike or Reebok or Levi or any of the other corporate giants want me to wear their logo, they can pay me to do so, not the other way around.  Why should I be a walking billboard for these companies?  Instead of putting a stupid swirl or curvy line on the front, put more energy into making good quality clothes that fit well and don't shrink two sizes after the first wash.  I know, it's a radical idea.

Here's an idea for you budding entrepreneurs out there.  Start focusing on the thirty-something male demographic.  We have plenty of cash, not a whole lot of time, and we want clothes that don't make us look like a mouth-breathing punk or a golf-swinging retiree.  We just want clothes that accentuate what we got and hide the developing beer gut and man-boobs.  And we really don't mind spending a little extra to get what we want.  Most importantly, hire lots of gay guys.  Gay guys know fashion.  Okay, so here's how the store works.  Thirty-something year old guy walks into the store.  Gay store worker approaches customer, gets an idea as to what he's looking for, and makes some suggestions.  Finding something to fit isn't a problem, because the store carries everything.  And if they don't have your fit, they can special order it in at no extra charge.  Customer tries on clothes, gay worker offers honest opinion, and the cycle repeats itself until the customer is happy.  Hmmm, a store that offers age-appropriate variety, good quality and excellent customer service.  It's so crazy it just might work.

These pants fit perfectly in the store.