#6 Blackberries

The other morning I was checking my Facebook (something I regretfully do too often) and I noticed my buddy had updated his status several times the previous night.  The first read "having a great date weekend with xxxx (the name will remain anonymous to protect the innocent)" which was updated via his Blackberry.  A couple of hours later it read "dinner was great, now heading off for drinks."  Later it was changed to "the band Flaming Frank and the Fabulous Friggers is great." 

When the hell did Blackberries (or iPhones or any other cheap knockoff) replace human contact?  I mean, here is a guy who was out on a date with his wife and he felt it necessary to frequently divert his attention from the one person in the world who would probably help him bury a dead body.  Seriously, do you really need to check your e-mail/Facebook/twitter every two minutes?  That prince in Nigeria won't mind waiting a few hours to send you your inheritance.

And while we're on it, stop calling it a Crackberry.  At least crack gives you a physical high.  What the hell does a Blackberry give you, other than carpal tunnel syndrome and "phantom vibrations."  That's right, phantom vibrations.  Another friend of mine complained that he sometimes felt his Blackberry vibrating against his hip even when he wasn't wearing it.  Sweet Jesus.  Is this what the world is coming to, a population of gnarled-fingered, socially-retarded vibration hallucinators? 

I don't own a Blackberry, and for that matter I don't own a cell phone either.  I don't feel it's necessary that the world can contact me at any time, day or night.  But, you whine, I have a job where I need to be contacted 24/7.  That may be the case, but at some point you have to ask yourself what's more important, spending the incredibly short amount of time we have on Earth punching tiny buttons on an electronic vampire, or enjoying the little things, like a date night with someone you love.  On that note, I got myself a play date with two of the most awesome kids in the world.  Don't bother trying to reach me.